Have you seen the video of Gigi Hadid recently getting all badassery on some guy in Milan? If not, take a quick moment and watch it. Camera-ready, sweet-as-pie, nice-girl Gigi got tough. She got fired up and not only used her voice to tell this guy off, she got physical. She claimed her space, her body, and was not having any of it.
Watching this video reminded me of a very personal, very real moment I had this summer where I had my own Gigi moment.
It happened so fast that it all felt like a blur. I had been out with my friends, one of whom was visiting from New York and I hadn’t seen in a while, when a guy, out of nowhere, grazed his hands over the side of my dress and pulled me right onto his lap. In the same moment, one of the friends we were with whispered in my ear not to worry, because the guy was ‘harmless’ and was a good friend.
As I scooted off the guy’s lap and shifted my attention towards my friends, my thought process went something like this:
Who the heck does this guy think he is? Just wave your wedding ring in his face so he gets the hint. Ugh, but you haven’t seen everyone in so long--don’t make this awkward and create a scene. Just give this guy the benefit of the doubt.
So, I stuck it out. I trusted what my friend said. I stayed in my people-pleasing state.
What ensued was another 20 minutes or so of very uncomfortable, aggressive advances by this guy.
And then it happened.
He completely crossed the line. He reached his hands out in an effort to grope my chest while announcing I had “nice tits." A real, frickin' gentleman, right ladies?
[Cue my New York friend.]
Her finger immediately shot off into his face as she fired off some very select, choice words. She told him boldly that she doesn’t care that he is friends with our friend, he has no right to treat women this way, and that she was not going to watch him talk to me or treat me disrespectfully any longer. We were leaving, even if it meant without our other friend.
A wave of feelings flashed over me. Anger. Frustration. Disappointment. And worst of all, shame.
I am a self-respecting, happily married woman. I take care of my mind, my body, and my heart. I do not let people manipulate, or walk over me. And in this moment, I felt that I had let myself down.
I felt like I let my husband down. I cried to him the next morning as I told him about what happened. His love and kindness towards me reminded me that I was not responsible for this man’s actions. No, it wasn’t my sexy summer dress that warranted his behavior. No, it wasn’t being out at a bar in downtown Chicago that warranted his behavior. No, it wasn’t anything I did that warranted his behavior. His behavior was his own, and it was not right.
I was so concerned about being a good girl, a nice girl, and keeping the peace, that I sat through those uncomfortable 20 minutes before my friend stepped in and did something about it.
I was mad that it took my friend to say something before I did. I was mad at our other friend for sitting back and watching this guy disrespect me like that, for telling me he was ‘harmless.’ I was mad that I did not get fired up. I was mad that I didn’t tell him to take his drunken, gropy self home and leave me and my friends alone.
I was mad that I stayed quiet. I was mad that I didn’t make a scene.
But you know what? This was my Gigi moment and it taught me a life lesson that I needed to learn.
I learned that it is okay to ruffle feathers sometimes.
I learned to use my voice. To speak up. To say something. To do something.
I learned that sometimes you need to confront the people you care about, even if they are your friends.
I learned that I am responsible for me. Period.
I learned that my body is worth protecting.
I learned that I am worth fighting for, and so are you.
5 Sneaky Lies to Stop Telling Yourself
For years, the following thoughts were on repeat in my head. And for years, I had no idea I was listening to them as if they were true. Fortunately, these 5 sneaky lies are now mostly a thing of the past.
1. Working out is so hard.
2. Eating healthy is so hard.
I’m going to clump these two together because they go hand in hand. I remember the days I used to wake up and have these thoughts. In all fairness, they probably will creep in again at some point, because…life, but now I recognize them and pay super close attention to when they try to sneak in.
When we have a thought that something is so hard, the first thing we go to in our minds is that it is impossible and that we cannot do it. It takes too much energy so therefore we end up fulfilling the idea by not getting to work.
I remember the moment I would have these thoughts, the first thing my defeated-feeling self would think is to go on and treat myself to those yummy pancakes or skip that workout. Sure, these things are absolutely fine from time to time, but on a daily basis? No. It does not feel caring to my body to repeatedly skip out on my exercise routine or eat sugary breakfasts day in and day out. Now when I have these thoughts, I talk gently back to myself by saying, “No it is not hard. I can do this.”
3. I hate waking up early.
I remember when my alarm used to buzz off so early that it was still dark outside. To be completely honest, I did not enjoy waking up before dawn. No way. But when a thought as dramatic as “I hate waking up early” sneaks in, it immediately sets us up to feel dreary and down. If waking up early is something you cannot control for the time being and you find yourself thinking that you “hate it” first thing, check those thoughts because they are likely going to effect your mood before you even have the chance to start your day. A positive counter-thought might be something like, “Waking up early allows me to get a head start on my day.”
4. I’m not good enough.
This thought still loves to find it’s way in my thoughts and it is one that I work at daily. The good news is that I know it is an outright lie. It so fear-driven and rooted from a place of self-worth and self-love. Back in my early teaching days, I would have moments where I would compare my work to other teachers and feel less than in some way. While starting my coaching practice, I deemed that I was not good enough to actually leave my career as an educator to go out on my own. But time and time again I proved to myself that these are mere lies.
I am good enough, and so are you.
Whatever it is that your inner fear girl is trying to keep you safe from, gently remind her you are a grown up woman and that involves having confidence (even if you need to fake it) to get out there and claim your enoughness.
5. I am so overwhelmed.
The reason this is considered a lie on my list is because “overwhelmed” is the masking word for some other deeper feeling. Overwhelmed is so general and big that it does not truly capture what is going on. I always check in to see what is actually happening by asking; where in your body do you feel the physical emotion that you are experiencing? When I have the thought that I am overwhelmed, I am really feeling worried or scared most of the time. It is great practice to start noticing how often the word pops up for you and get in the habit of really checking in to see what underlying emotion is there.