It's May. And that means it is also National Foster Care Month.
Foster care holds a very special place in my heart because I myself was a foster child from the time I was 13. Each family I lived with had their own way of doing things, and I learned very quickly how to adapt, not stand out, blend in, and acclimate to my new families. I also learned early on how to be my own advocate, how to take care of myself, save money, and become my own support system. There were moments in each home I felt glimpses of nurture and love, and there were often many times I felt like an imposter, like someone who did not really belong.
The greatest thing I learned being in foster care was ultimately that I am somebody who can stand tall on my own two feet despite the challenges life tossed along the way. I learned that I can have the kind of life I want and crave for myself by believing in it enough and paving a way to make it happen. I also learned that all the stability and love I need, I ultimately provide for myself.
When you look up the word "foster," it means to encourage or promote the development of. Throughout May, as we recognize National Foster Care Month, I ask that you join me in fostering love. Whichever aligns best with where you are at in your life right now, here are some ideas to help you get started so you too can foster love this month:
1. YOU. Yes, you! Foster yourself. We are our best selves when we nourish and love from within, first and foremost. What is one think you can encourage, or support the development of within yourself this month?
2. A child. Whether it's working with a child one-on-one to facilitate their growth and learning, volunteering in some way to give back to kids (my favorite organization is CASA), or the BIG one- actually fostering a child if you have the means and are in a place in your life where it feels right.
3. Those who are experiencing mental health conditions. National Mental Health Awareness month also happens to fall in May. It's a great time to pledge solidarity with friends, family, and even strangers who are living through tough challenges with mental health. The National Alliance on Mental Illness offers a ton of ways you can show your support and that you are #IntoMentalHealth.
4. Animals. Because they need love too! Check your local area for fostering opportunities with pets. I have several friends who fostered pups before adopting them. If allergies aren't a problem, and you have loads of love (and patience!) to share with an animal friend, this could be for you!
5. Plants. By far the simplest way we can support the development of another living thing is by taking care of plants. They are also one of the best reminders to care for ourselves (hey, we need sunshine and water too!)
6. Your community. From recycling to picking up the trash along your street, there are tons of ways you can chip in around where you live. It could even be as simple as joining Next Door, an online social community, where you can make the town you live in a better (and safer) place!
7. Those who need our help! From people living with intellectual and developmental disabilities to those who are homeless, there are many ways we can help. Find an organization in your area that speaks to the cause you are most passionate about and get involved. My favorites are Best Buddies and local soup kitchens.
So, are you in? Will you be joining me this month in fostering love? If you're on Instagram, share your efforts by posting your pictures using the hashtag #fosterlove. Please let me know if you have other ideas for fostering love that are not on my list by replying to me here, or leaving a comment over on Instagram.
3 Daily Habits to Stop Overwhelm Now
I remember the days of going through the motions.
The moment I would get to work (heck, the moment I rolled out of bed to get ready for work!) my brain began creating the list.
You know the list.
The list of every single thing you need to tackle for the day. Work to-do's and at home to do’s are definitely part of the list. So are personal to-do’s, like squeezing in a workout or getting a hair cut; those things need to get done too.
[Cue the overwhelm.]
The thing is, overwhelm is really masking a deeper underlying feeling. Tired? Yes. Frustrated? Possibly. Afraid? Yep.
The feeling of fear is almost always underlying overwhelm. Fear of not living our lives with time to do the things we love, time to live life with energy, or time to be present with our people.
Really, the fear is about not having time.
Relieving the overwhelm is key. In my early twenties, the relief was not so positive. I did things like tune-out or binge eat on chocolate to absorb the underlying feelings. It wasn’t until my late twenties, where I started to learn some more effective tools of self-love where I was able to manage my real feelings by you know, feeling them. ;-)
So no matter how chaotic or busy life seems right now, I want to share with you 3 daily habits that will help prevent overwhelm. They are my go-to for releasing anxiety around everything I have going on, while ultimately creating more time for me.
1. Do a daily download. Write out any and every little thing you have to do for the day. Create a massive list. Just get it all out on paper. Laundry. Nails. Copies. Whatever you have to do. Write it all out.
2. Narrow down your TOP 3. Look back at your list. What are the top 3 things that will give you the most fulfillment in getting done today? What has to get done? Choose 3 things from your daily download list. Write it down.
3. Prioritize You. Go back to your top 3 and see if you added at least one thing to do for yourself. Workout? Meditate? Go for a walk? Whatever the thing is that you know you need to do for yourself, be sure you do it. Find a spot to fit in your top 3 today.
I always ask myself, how urgent are my to-do’s for other people? If I’m really being honest with myself, I usually see right away that I am prioritizing others before myself. I want you to get honest with yourself too. Ask yourself how much of your time are you giving away to others before doing something thing for you?
Creating a top 3 has become part of my daily routine. It gives me relief to visually see that among all the things I feel like I need to do, there are only a handful of things that really need to get done. Most of the other stuff can wait.
A powerful daily routine lays the foundation for how we do our day. For those of you who have not already accessed my Daily Routines Workbook, be sure to get yours below. It has all my tips and tricks for starting your day off in the right mind space.
My motto: It starts with how we start!
How to Stop Letting Comparison Get in the Way
I met with a client recently who is planning to launch her own business at the end of spring. She has all the things laid out.
Website
Photos
Marketing plan
Opt-in for her site
Blog
Work is in motion. Progress is being made. There is pride. And there is also fear. Lots of it in fact.
Fear shows up in the form of “not being enough.”
It looks like getting up in the morning to knock off a few things on the list of to-do’s, getting side-tracked by checking emails, then checking social media, and then checking out another website from a professional in the same industry.
The comparison kicks in:
SHE has more followers.
SHE is really successful.
SHE has awesome products.
SHE is so talented.
The thoughts keep rolling, and by my next session with my client, she has totally convinced herself to just stop. To throw in the towel. Someone is already doing what she wants to do, and doing it better. Why waste my time?, she says.
Someone out there IS doing something similar yes. The easy thing to do is to stop and give up. To let go of the ambition, the fight, the determination, the hard work. To say enough is enough.
But is that what SHE did? Did SHE get where SHE is by stopping? No. We get where we go in life by charging through, even when the going gets tough.
Whether, like my client, you are contemplating starting your own business, or you are dealing with other personal matters where you see other people totally thriving, try to remember that we ALL have had our mountains to climb, battles to fight, and roads to cross.
We have to keep putting one foot in front of the other.
That’s how we get the thing we want so badly for ourselves. By showing up, and doing the work, even when that part of us is convinced SHE is doing it better.
SHE is out there doing it in her own, unique way. Her voice and her stories are her own. Nobody out there can do it your way, other than you.
So get out there and be your own SHE.
Tell your stories. Own your voice. Do your important work.
SHE is waiting.
Why I Left My Career and How Fear Almost Got in the Way
One year ago I officially left my job.
I remember the fear. I was filled with so much anxious energy, but knew in my heart it was time. It was time to take control of what I wanted. Things weren’t going to change unless I did and I knew it was time to do something.
The fear lingered for a year prior to me actually taking action. I knew I wanted to leave, but fear paralyzed me. I had spent years working to establish myself in my profession as an educator and was scared of what my peers would think of me. I was worried that they would deem me to have been “unhappy” in my job. Sure, it was stressful at times, and the work load was heavier than ever, but nothing compared to the relationships I was able to build with my students and their families. I treasured working with children and the camaraderie with my teacher friends. It was truly a gratifying and fulfilling career.
But it was everything in between that had me tired. I would wake up at 5am to squeeze a brief workout in to then rush to work. I would get all the things ready before my young learners would arrive. The day would press on and my afternoons would be filled with meetings. My nights consisted of grading papers while my students’ lives consumed my mind. By 8pm, I was exhausted with barely enough energy left for my husband, family, and friends. For a job that I liked so much, I was completely drained.
This was not the life I had envisioned for myself. I craved more for myself. At the time I just didn’t know what else could make me happier than working with kids. That is, not until I discovered life coaching.
I finally felt a call to do something that was greater than the call I felt to teach.
This was the motivation I needed to take action and create change. And so I did. That year, I started the process of becoming a Certified Professional Life Coach. Suddenly, other doors started opening too. My administrators offered me an opportunity to work in an instructional coaching role in my school district. This change coupled with the incredible tools I was learning throughout my life coach training empowered me to see new ways that I could serve people. Through sharing in the growth and change of my own clients, I started to believe in the coaching process. I started to believe in my coaching process. This gave me a newfound self-confidence that I did not have before that I was enough. I am enough.
So I leaped. I decided it was time to leave a job I liked for a job I loved.
A vast majority of my colleagues gave me nothing but support, encouragement and love. They knew that I was following a passion and respected that deeply. However, some of my peers shared their own fears and skepticism that my choice stirred up for them. How could I give up my teacher tenure (job security), pension (financial security), and health benefits (health security)? My take on it? Nothing is secure. Absolutely nothing in this life is secure.
All the stability I need is already right inside of me. I create that for me. Realizing this gave me the faith in myself to leap and choose freedom.
Freedom to wake up when my body says so.
Freedom to create my own schedule.
Freedom to take as many personal days as I need.
Freedom to work with people the way I want.
Freedom.
Freedom because I already have stability.
What Stories Will Your Little Old Lady Self Tell?
I vividly remember my great Aunt Ronnie's stories. The long talks I had with her as an adult, realizing the youth behind the sweet wrinkled face of the 92-year-old woman who had sat in front of me. Getting to know the treasured times of her life that she carried so fondly in her heart remind me today to hold on tightly to my own happy memories.
That time I was with my husband in Kefalonia, Greece sitting on the shore of a beach fit perfectly for two where we felt completely removed from the world.
That time I was a freshman in college, laying on the bed I had just made, resting my head on the pillow that night, and knowing with profound gratitude that I was exactly where I was supposed to be.
That time I looked out at a sea of smiles where my favorite people danced and celebrated together, all in one place, on my wedding day.
All was well. Things were just peacefully so.
These times are among my happiest. They are the stories I relive in my mind when I need them most. Some are big, magical moments and others are small, simple ones.
What are your happy moments? What are the stories your sweet old lady self will revel in someday? Travel back in time where you felt more alive than ever before and capture it in your mind as you would with a camera.
Then try it again. Keep on adding your favorite moments until you have a mini-collection. Access the greatest times of your life when you need them. They are there just for you, so take advantage of them, love.
Bonus points, always, for repeating often.