Who are the people who make up your tribe? Maybe you’ve got a handsome guy in your life, family members, friends?
Whoever your people are, take a quick inventory and ask yourself the following questions:
Do they build you up?
Do they make you want to be the best version of yourself?
Do they inspire you by how they live their own lives?
If you answered yes to all of these questions, then you’ve got yourself one heck of a tribe! For any person in your life who you answered no, don’t worry, I got you.
We want the people we interact with on a daily basis to bring out our best selves. We want to feel good when we are around them, and we want to walk away feeling inspired and energized from being in their presence. A few years back, I had a friend who was like family. We hung out together all the time, got along great and were always there for each other. But then, some time went by, we both traveled, and eventually we grew apart. When we came back, the things around us were the same, but we were not. Our friendship had changed. I suddenly found that my answer was ‘no’ to all those questions above when I thought about my friendship with this particular friend. Knowing that I cannot change other people, I gradually let her go. Was there ever a hard conversation around it? No. We simply went our separate ways. To this day we have a very amicable and friendly surface level relationship which I think we are both okay with. We can look back on the days when we were attached at the hip with fondness and good laughs, but also honor where we are in our lives today, separately.
I’m sharing this with you because there might be some people in your life who you are realizing you are having a similar disconnect with. I want to remind you to give yourself permission to let these people go if you know deep down this is not a positive relationship. I have experienced this before with very close family members as well. There are some people who I have distanced myself from completely because of the toxicity. There are others who I see at gatherings only. The point is, it is a two-way street, and if on your side of the street you are feeling discouraged and drained, then it might be time to turn a corner and say goodbye once and for all.
Hopefully, you likely will not have many, if any, people in your life who you need to set such hard boundaries with. More than likely, you have a few people you can think of who you are wishing you had stronger, more enriching relationships with.
The best thing you can do is look at the qualities in them that you love and appreciate and gravitate towards those. What kinds of situations bring out the best in them? When are they displaying the qualities you love? Those are the kinds of settings to meet them in. Get clear on what circumstances bring out the qualities in them you wish to avoid. Create distance when it comes to those specific circumstances. In other words, stay away from them in those instances.
If we want to have a resounding ‘yes’ for all three of those questions when it comes to our tribe, we have to identify what it is that we are wanting from our tribe in the first place. What kind of qualities do we want to see in our people?
Are you living those very qualities out in your own life? In many ways, this all breaks down to the law of attraction.
You attract what you choose to focus on. If you want to be around other passionate, energetic people, you have to create more passion and energy within yourself. I know this might come off as such a simple idea, but we both know it is the furthest from it. These are the specific things I work on with my clients, and they take time. But it does work. It absolutely works.