From foster care to self-care: An inside look at what it is like growing up in the system

May 1, 2019 Jennifer Wille

As many of you know, I grew up in foster care. (Want to hear my story? Listen here.)

It is National Foster Care Month.

Today, I am reflecting on all the things growing up in the system has taught me when it comes to self-care. At the age of 13, I lived in and out of foster homes until I aged out of the system at 18. It literally transformed my life. Sure there were plenty of highs and lows along the way, but the years that followed once I was taken away from my mom left an imprint on my life like no other.

Something that I have learned from my years growing up in foster care is just how vital it is to take care of ourselves. When we prioritize our self-care, when we believe in our worth, and when we believe we are deserving of the life we want for ourselves, so much is possible. My experience in foster care has shaped the work I do with people now- and if there is any one thing I can help inspire you today my friend, it is that you are so worthy of your own care too.

To celebrate National Foster Care Month, I invited a dear friend of mine named Brandon Johnson to come on First + Foremost to share his story. Brandon talks about his experience growing up in the system and overcoming a childhood filled with drugs, gangs and violence. He is a warrior, my friends! He has seen more than many people will in their entire lifetime and today he shares his journey of thriving and making a beautiful life for himself after all he has been through. Be sure to give episode 42 a listen!

Why it has been hard to share my story online

May 15, 2018 Jennifer Wille

As a life coach, I get out and do live speaking events often. Just this past winter, I flew to Denver for a keynote presentation where I taught a group of educators some of my favorite tools when it comes to mindfulness around the stories (AKA thoughts!) that we so often tell ourselves. As I stood in front of the men and women in that audience, I also touched on my upbringing. I shared about how I was taken away from my mom when I was 13. I shared about how much I felt her love despite her drug addiction. I talked about the years that followed spent in foster care.

For some reason, when I am in front of others, it is easy to share these things.

I feel a bit of a safety in a room where I can see the faces in front of me. I feel more at ease talking about the hard things.

It happened again just last month at the Empowered and Free event where I gave another keynote presentation, this time in front of a group of women sharing all that I know to be true about self-care. I shared, with ease, how graduating from college was actually one of the hardest times of my life because I was completely on my own then. I shared about how I spent my entire life on the lookout for addictions and doing all that I could to avoid it. I shared about how I got sucked right in to an addiction of my own with the last thing I ever expected: food.

Publicly sharing with people in real-time feels safer- it always has.

Maybe it is because after I share the tough parts, it goes with people as they leave. They carry it with them. There are no traces of my story online left for me to see. Left for people to quietly comment on.

One thing I know to be true however, is that sharing our stories is what connects us.

I feel it each and every time I am surrounded by others in a room. Hearing their stories, hearing their struggles and challenges, their hopes and dreams is what makes it all worth it. It’s what makes sharing completely worth it.

I know now, that I also feel more ready than ever before to share my stories online. I think a big part of that is that I realize my direct purpose in sharing.

It is for you, but it also for me.

It is to share the parts of my being that were once wounded and hurting, and have since healed. It is to share the journey, the struggle, and the coming through. It is to connect, it is to meet in the middle. It is to feel fully.

I am currently writing a memoir about my childhood. I am writing about my mom. My beautiful, vibrant, boisterous-laughing mama. It is hard. It is emotionally-taxing. It is also the most gratifying and soul-filling thing I have done to date.

You see, I am learning to trust my own journey in sharing. That what I share and when I share it, is in some way purposeful, and that even just one person out there might deeply need to hear it.

Next week on First + Foremost | The Podcast, I will be sharing more about my foster care upbringing as part of National Foster Care Month. It will be my first time sharing certain details “online” so-to-speak.

And I’m ready.

I’m ready to share my story.

It’s interesting to me how you can feel so much shame around certain life experiences as you go through them. I felt so much shame about being a foster child growing up. Or having an eating disorder in my twenties. These were stories of my past that for a long, long time I was not proud of.

Now, I look back on them with love. I know that they served a purpose in my own healing journey to get where I am today. Without these experiences, I would not have learned how to fully take care of myself in the way I do now, or how to treat myself with love, compassion, and kindness day in and day out.

We all have stories.

You have stories too.

My nudge to you today is to reflect on your stories.

What experiences in your life can you look back on with love for just how much growth they have brought into your life? How have you become stronger because of those very stories?

I’ll leave you with that today.

Let’s love on what makes our lives rich with depth and complexity.

Let’s cherish the key markers of our lives that have ultimately brought us to a deeper, more profound healing.

Let’s trust that each experience truly was meant to give us something beautiful in return.

Do you have a self-care plan? (Here's mine!)

November 17, 2017 Jennifer Wille

Do you have a self-care plan?

It is basically a list of all of your things that bring you comfort and joy, relaxation, and rest. They are your go-to's to love on and take care of you. With Thanksgiving right around the corner, and with the launch of First + Foremost | The Program coming up (we start November 27th!!) I thought now is the perfect time to reflect on self-care.

Here are some of my personal self-care things (currently):

Cuddling my puppy, Migo
Talking with my husband, Adam
Drinking a hot cup of coffee
Drinking kombucha in a wine glass
Going for a walk
Writing in my journal
Talking to my life coach, Beth
Talking to my therapist, Angela
Naming my 3 daily intention words
Reading a book (I'm re-reading You Are A Badass by Jen Sincero)
Watching one of my favorite shows (Currently: Shameless, Outlander, Project Runway)
Taking a hot shower or Epsom salt bath with lavender oil
Taking a nap
Drinking water
Sitting down to eat breakfast, lunch and dinner mindfully
Writing what I am grateful for

These are my current things. Every so often, I sit down and rewrite my things. I find sometimes that they ebb and flow based on the seasons, and they ebb and flow based on me, and how I change with each passing day.

I encourage you to take a moment to sit down and reflect on your own personal self-care things. As women and men, we need to know our go-to's for caring for ourselves. You may have an idea in your mind already of what they are, but there is something meaningful about sitting down to actually write them out. You can post it up, or keep it with you in your purse, wallet, or journal.

To help you get started, here is a template I created for you!

It's Time for a Little Q & A...

July 11, 2017 Jennifer Wille

This week I am switching things up a bit and answering some behind-the-writing questions. My dear friend Dedra Davis nominated me for the Blue Sky Tag, a challenge that encourages bloggers to give an inside look into their writing. From my motivation to start these weekly notes, to favorite quotes and blogs to read, I open up about why I write to you. Let's get to it and answer some of Dedra's questions:

1. How long have you been blogging?

I have been blogging for 1.5 years. I made a commitment in January 2016 that I would write every week, and I have stuck to it!

2. Where do you blog/write most often?

I love to write in coffee shops, ironically enough. There’s something about the noise and the energy of other people that really motivates me.

3. What have you learned about yourself since you began blogging?

I have learned that for me, it’s not about how many people are reading my blog. What matters to me is if my thoughts and words can help at least one person that day, then it makes it all worth it, which is why whenever I get a note or email back from one of the ladies in my tribe, it seriously makes my entire day. It’s the push that reminds me it’s all worth it.

4. Where would you like to live if you had nothing stopping you?

Honestly, anywhere with my husband Adam. I spent a few years daydreaming about living in Portland, Huntington Beach, or Denver, and what I have realized is that I am somebody who would much rather live by my people than live in my dream location. My dream location is really wherever my people are.

5. Where is your dream spot to write?

My dream spot to write is out in nature, overlooking a lake with lots of trees around me. (I should note that I have NOT done this before…but now I think I will!)

6. Tell your reader why you want them to read your words?

Oh gosh, this one was challenging for me initially when deciding to start my blog. I had lots of self-doubt to work through in the beginning, thinking I had nothing really meaningful to say, or thinking thoughts like, “why would anybody care to read my words?” The reality is that I know I am somebody who has risen above some challenges in my life that have ultimately led me to where I am today. It is my hope to inspire and share that we are absolutely worthy of the life we want for ourselves and that is possible to create it. I write my words to remind women that we only get one shot at this thing called life, so let’s take the best possible care of ourselves and create a life and business we love.

7. Where is your favorite city, in your own state, that is not where you live now?

I love Galena, IL! It’s such a quaint little town with lots of shops and charming streets. I love visiting it in the fall when the leaves are starting to turn vibrant and bright!

8. Tell me a quote you wish you had written?

My favorite quote is more of a blurb I have taken away from Ann Lamont:

“Sink into a place of knowing you are worth profound care.”

Her original words are this:

“You can change the world with a hot bath, if you sink into it from a place of knowing that you are worth profound care, even when you're dirty and rattled.”

9. What goal have you met in 2017?

It was a goal of mine to have a full coaching practice this year, and I am so grateful and humbled to say that I met this goal back in May of this year. With each woman who decides to team up and coach with me over a period of 6 months to a year, it feels like such a gift. I love nothing more than walking alongside women who are ready to prioritize themselves and go after their big plans! Seeing them manifest what they are wanting is so fulfilling (and energizing!)

10. What is your favorite blog to read?

I can’t choose between the two, so here they are:

Tiffany Han: for her straight-talk business inspiration and motivation

Mara Glatzel: for her beautiful self-care posts that she reads aloud to you like prose.

11. What is your favorite social media?

My favorite social media is Instagram! I love hanging out on there. If we aren’t already connected, let’s get to it!

Dedra Davis is a late-in-life journalist who writes from the heart about life, love, and laughter, and an occasional blog about Waco, Texas (her hometown), décor, and weenie dogs, all the while, trying to inspire you, delight you, make you think and hopefully smile. (Smiling is her favorite!) You can check her out at Dedra Davis Writes.

And now it is my turn to pass the torch on the Blue Sky Tag. I nominate the following bloggers/writers to answer my questions below:

Laura at Ivory & Pine

Mariah Wickham